There’s just something about weddings that make you want to get married.
My friend Heather got married this past weekend in an absolutely beautiful ceremony, and it got me thinking (as weddings always do) about what my wedding would be like. The only detail I have set in my mind is that I want my processional to be This Marriage by Eric Whitacre, sung if possible by the chamber ensemble from my college, of which I was a member in my undergrad years. So yeah, just that one oddly specific detail. The rest I see in my mind as a sort of slideshow, but parts of it always change.
And of course, thinking about the how of your hypothetical wedding should (and for me, does) lead to thinking about why you would get married. Marriage is a very important concept for me. I am a feminist who thrives on tradition, and I love the idea of making a public declaration of your complete and utter commitment to another person, surrounded by your family and closest friends. I see it as the solemn undertaking of a partnership, the joyful celebration of love, and the beginning of the rest of your life. Marriage is not necessarily a goal, in my eyes. It’s a launching point.
Because I don’t see marriage as a culmination but rather as a commencement, I also give a lot of thought to what life would be like after marriage. This is why I support couples living together before they get married, or at least spending enough nights over at the other’s place to get an idea of what they’re like at home. I want to have as close an approximation to marital life as I can get before I get married, because I only want to get married once. I don’t want it ruined by something stupid like he or she whacks me in the face while we sleep. Or something.
The problem with going to a wedding and then suddenly getting all moony and wanting to get married yourself is that it tends to cast a pallor over any intimate interactions in the following weeks. Where I’m going with this is: get over it. I’ve always known that I want to get married. Going to a wedding does not mean that I want to get married tomorrow, or in the next year, or what have you. Because I want to do it right the first time around. I want to be prepared. I want my partner to be prepared. Because, you know. It takes two to get married.
That being said, Heather’s wedding has made me realize that I do want to find a relationship. I have been thoroughly satisfied with my dating life over the past few months, but I am settled and ready to be content and secure.
Just in case you didn’t watch the video I linked to earlier (which you totally should), here are the lyrics of the song I want to be my processional:
May these vows and this marriage be blessed.
May it be sweet milk, like wine and halvah.
May this marriage offer fruit and shade
like the date palm.
May this marriage be full of laughter,
our every day a day in paradise.
May this marriage be a sign of compassion,
a seal of happiness here and hereafter.
May this marriage have a fair face and a good name,
an omen as welcomes the moon in a clear blue sky.
I am out of words to describe
how spirit mingles in this marriage.